Improving Your Child's Sleep with
The Chair Method

When we hear about sleep training, it is common to think of leaving a child in their room alone, crying and upset. There are many ways to sleep train and even more ways to help your child to learn how to sleep on their own. My main goal when working with families with toddlers and school age children is to help them to help their child to feel confident around their sleep. Confident and proud to put themselves to sleep and back to sleep. 

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My favorite method for this is the chair method. Let's discuss how to use this method and some of the crucial pieces to making this a successful method for your family. 

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Who Is This Method For:

This method can be used for children of all ages, though I really like to use it with children ages 12 months and older. Toddlers and preschoolers will find ways to push the boundaries, which is where the support of a sleep coach can be valuable to remain consistent. Consistency and firm boundaries are key!  

 

If you have a child who has transitioned from a crib to a bed, who is struggling with this transition, this can be a great method to help them feel confident to sleep in this new space. If your child gets out of bed repeatedly or needs a parent in the room or in their bed in order to fall asleep, this method is a great fit. 

 

I also really like this method when working with families who have been co-sleeping as it can be a great place to start toward independent sleep. Being in the chair while your child falls asleep, allows you to stay in the room, providing a gradual transition away from sharing the same bed. ​

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How to Implement The Chair Method:

The first thing to do is come up with your plan of when you will start (be sure you have two weeks of time without company or travel), what chair you will use, where you will sit, what will you do if your child is having a hard time. Then, have a family meeting to discuss that you will be sitting in a chair beside their bed until they fall asleep at bedtime and middle of the night wakings. You will explain that you will move your chair further and further away over several nights until you are in the hallway and then eventually no longer in the hallway. Invite your child to role play this with you so everyone can know what to expect come bedtime. You can even use painters tape on the floor as a visual reminder of where you will sit. Maybe your child would like to be the one in charge of determining where to place the tape for your chair.  When you role play, you can pretend to put your child to bed and then sit in the chair and leave when they are pretending to be asleep. Or, you can create a little pretend bed and have your child put a favorite stuffed animal or toy to sleep. They can sit beside the toy's bed until the toy is asleep. Another way to do it is to have your child pretend to be the parent and put you to sleep while they sit beside you in a chair. 

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Start at bedtime by placing a chair next to the crib or bed. Your role while in the chair is to be the sturdy leader, holding up boundaries while supporting your child to sleep in this new way. If your child tries to engage, simply repeat a phrase such as "it is time for sleep, I love you."  Stay in the chair until they fall asleep. If they wake in the night, resume your same position in the chair as at bedtime, state your phrase if you need and stay until they fall asleep again. For the next day or two, keep the chair next to the crib or bed for all naps, bedtime, and night wakings.

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On Night 2 or 3, move the chair a few feet away. This can be hard for your child so be sure to communicate about the move the morning of, show them the new placement of the tape and chair, and find time to role play.  If your child does not stay in bed, silently return them to bed. Stay in the chair until they fall asleep, and resume your position for any night wakings, naps, and bedtime for the next day or two. 

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Then, move your chair again a few feet further away. Continue to communicate about this move, show your child the placement of the tape and chair, and find time to role play. Remain in this new position for another night or two before moving your chair into the hallway. 

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For the first night or two in the hallway, you can be in view and then move again so you are out of view. If your child comes out of their room to peak at you and be sure you are really there in the chair, repeat "it's time for sleep, I love you." Or, silently walk them back into their room. Remain calm and consistent. Once your child is sleeping independently, you no longer need to sit in the chair. 

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How to Ensure Success:

Consistency really is most important. If you sit in your chair for 30 minutes only to then lay in bed with your child to stop the protesting, you are then teaching them to build their stamina. You could also be sending them the message that you do not believe they can do this. Our job as parents is not to stop the protesting or tantruming. Our job is to allow their feelings, validate them and still hold firm to our boundaries, to be the sturdy leader they can count on.  You are the parent and you decide how to teach your child to sleep in this new way while supporting them and believing they are capable. 

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This method is a gradual approach and that does not mean it is without crying, tantrums or protests. This may be hard for your child and they may not like it. That is okay. 

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Watching your child go from feeling unsure, clingy, anxious at bedtime to confident, happy, and proud is a beautiful thing to see.  It is possible. If you find you would like some support to be sure you are implementing it correctly, consistently, and efficiently to reach your sleep goals, contact me today.